Vanera's Journal: Fall 451

Vanera’s journal entry just before leaving for Sencankarr. The writing is barely legible, as though it were written in a mad haste. 

Fall 451 TE

I have just received the most distressing letters. I must leave with all haste to Sencankarr. Anaris must come with me and marry Neras Garini! I cannot believe my mother has failed to make the match. Everything depended on it!

I only needed a little more time! I am sure I could have found a tomb of the Stone Kings. Now I must go home empty handed and face a world of trouble. If we are discovered, we may be shunned from society. Thrown out with all ties severed from all we hold dear. I shall be the black stain on the purity of my family’s name! This is not how I planned things…

(The text ends abruptly here then picks up in Vanera’s normal handwriting again a few spaces down.)

I went on a walk to work things out and clear my head. In this time of distress, I could think of no one to go to for advice. I most certainly could not speak to my friends or Anaris about it. I happened to be passing near the shrine of the Sacred Well when it occurred to me that perhaps I could seek answers there.

As I stooped at the low door of the small stone house that made up the shrine, I paused for a moment to catch my breath after the walk up the steep hill. As I did so I studied the ancient wood door. I believe it was older than anything else in Cheykor. The carvings were framed by the old, fluid, high script with the overlapping stems and fruits. I am quite familiar with the ancient writing being a scholar. I have seen it in old books, scrolls, on monuments, and on reliefs in Sencankarr. But here it seemed out of place not adorning a monument, but this ancient house of stone. Inside I could hear the gentle, rhythmic splashing of water to the low, alto chanting of Feala the Well Woman. As the song ended, I pushed open the door to the shrine and saw Feala making her way around the lip of the well.

I have tried to write down our conversation as well as I can remember it, for her advice is not something I wish to forget. My conversation with her proved to be both insightful and very uncomfortable.

“Are you going to remain outside examining my stonework? Would you like to come in? Tell me what it is that brings your weary to feet to my doorstep so late in the day.”

“Oh yes,” I said a bit hesitantly. I entered and looked around, then nodded to her.

“Hmm, and what can I do for you?” she asked.

“Well, I came mostly out of… curiosity. But I do seek guidance in a certain matter.” I replied.

She stirred the water with a sliver net. “What is it you wish to know?

“Umm, well… my future? I am going back home, and I foresee some difficulties. And I need some guidance as to what to do.”

“I can never tell when people come in and ask questions like this if their speaking in vague terms because they want to see if I really can read their thoughts, or if they’re just too embarrassed to be specific.”

“I think it might be more of an embarrassment issue.” I stammered out.

“What is the young woman name?”

I coughed. “Well, there are two young women actually.”

“Ahh.”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds.” I quickly interjected.

“I think you might need the apothecary down the road.”

“No! One of the young ladies I need to know about is my sister. You see, I am trying to marry her off to someone.”

“Anaris, yes.”

”Yes. And really any advice you can give me would be extremely welcome.

“I do not think she needs the sort of help I could give her.”

“Yes well….”

“Perhaps you should stop trying to correct your own failures in your sister

“Right…” I began to regret having come to ask advice. It felt most uncomfortable. “I will think about that.”

“Since you came here for advice,” she paused. “Merely because you failed to honor your parents wishes in regards to the choice of a spouse,” The room suddenly seemed to become rather hot, and I could feel the color rising to my face. “Does not mean that you need to control your sister’s choices. It is writ incumbent on your sister as it is on you to bring honor to her family. But that is her choice.”

“That’s a good point. I will think about that. A lot.”

“Was there anything else?”

“I don’t think I have anything else today.”

“You still have not asked me about the second woman. You mentioned that there were two.”

“Well, you covered that when you talked about the other thing. Sort of. I really would rather not go into detail. It is a little uncomfortable.”

She hmmed again. “You’re not doing her or yourself any favors you know.”

“I know. But I don’t know how to… well… you know…It’s really hard. But I hope to make things right when I go home.”

“In that case I would hurry home.”

“I am trying.” I stood there not knowing where to look and scanned the floor as though it were of great interest. “That’s all I have to say now. So I should be going now so I can go hurry on my way to go home. Fix my problems.”

“This I will say to you, scholar. Take the straight road. All others lead to chains.” The tone in which she said this was rather ominous. I nodded my head not really knowing how to respond to this.

“Right. Thank you for that. I am going now.” With that I quickly left and came back here.

I feel rather ashamed, if not guilty, that I have tried to sell off my sister to fix my problems. Anaris should be free to marry whomever she wills, as should I. I will just have to face my problems and overcome them. How badly could it end anyway?

I wish I could shake this feeling of worry in the pit of my stomach. As the hour of departure grows nearer it grows stronger. The journey back promises to be a long one now that the winter months are setting in. Hopefully we will not have too many delays.

No matter what happens, I do not regret my choices. If I had it to do over again, I would still do the same.